LESSON 4: IS SEXUAL COMPATIBILITY A THING?

Let’s talk about Sexual Compatibility.

Sexual Compatibility is the degree to which a couple perceives they share similarities in sexual beliefs, tastes, desires, inclinations and preferences.

Compatibility ranges from frequency of sex, preference for timing, days, what turns who on, what doesn’t, to differences in sexual boundaries and so on. (Which is why Lessons 1-3 are a great place to start).

A frequent question I get asked is “How do we determine Sexual Compatibility?”

The truth is you can’t predetermine Sexual compatibility 100% (whether or not you are engaging in sex prior to marriage). Perhaps, not even 80%.

You know why? As human beings, our tastes are constantly evolving and what is a turn on for you today, might be a turn off tomorrow. 

I meet a lot of people who tell me, the best sex they had was when there were courting but on getting married, things changed. And let’s be honest, things will change.

Life, responsibilities, children, hormones, your body, your tastes and even your sexual desires change overtime.

How then can you determine Sexual Compatibility?

Take a look back at Lessons 1-3. That was where you started defining Sexual Compatibility. By starting conversations and communicating about Sex.

However, I believe even more important than sexual compatibility is the attitude of the couple towards each other and towards Sex. 

The question then becomes less of “Are we sexually compatible?” and more of 

“Are we open minded about learning”

“Are we able to communicate easily and effectively with each other?” 

“Can we be patient enough to teach other?”

“Can we put our egos aside and be open enough to be taught?”

“Are we willing to seek help if we are unable to make headway in our sex life?”

“Are we willing to explore other areas of Sex we enjoy together if one of us is unable to meet a certain sexual desire?”

These are pertinent factors that have an influence on the degree of sexual fulfillment between a couple.

So if you ask me, Sexual Compatibility is not something you may be able to fully determine because of our constantly evolving human nature. It also isn’t something that you have or don’t have, it is something you work toward as a couple.